Evanesce

In a way, I envy Evan Ratliff for having the ability to just leave. He was able to vanish into thin air just because he could, and even though he was paranoid, I still bet he felt free. To start over. To be whoever he wants to be.

Granted, he put a lot of money and work into it, but I still admire and envy Ratliff for being able to escape his life and create this façade. Since I still live at home, I can't just vanish off the face of the earth like he did. My mum would kill me... But I have tried this before, stopping all communication between myself and others and myself and technology. During a rough patch in my life, I took out the battery of my cell phone, disabled my social network sites, and unplugged my computer from the internet- just to escape. I told a few people that if they wanted to get a hold of me, they knew where I'd be and they knew how to get a hold of me. For two weeks, I was off line and out of the loop of technology. I didn't need Ratliff's software that hid my internet address, nor did I need a prepaid cell phone. I was hiding, but not in the same way he was. I just did not want to put myself and my personal life out there. He just didn't want to get caught. He was playing a game of Hide and Seek while I was just playing the game of Life.

Even though Ratliff had $2,000 to lose, it still seems as though he talks about the experience like a game. If he was legitimately trying to give himself a new persona and reinvent himself, he certainly did it in a weird way. Thrilling, but complicated and expensive way. When I went out, I only had to worry about gas money and running into the person I was trying to stay away from- none of which we that big of a threat since I was far and away in places only my closest friends knew about. Also, while I was trying to do this for myself, he was doing this to entertain, almost. "What had started as an exercise in escape quickly became a cross between a massively multiplayer online game and a reality show."

When I hid from the world for those two weeks, I didn't feel bad at all. I was ignoring the world to help myself. But then again, I wasn't exactly lying to people... I just wasn't answering them. It was nice to see that Ratliff had some guilty conscience about lying, though. "When I convinced people that I really was James Donald Gatz, I occasionally felt a mischievous thrill. Most of the time, however, I felt awful. The people I encountered weren’t credulous; they were just nice."

All in all, I am envious of his experience- being able to flee everything and to travel. But, on the other hand, I know I could never do that. I know that, at least while I am still in college and while my mum still tolerates talking/acknowledging me, I cannot just up and vanish without telling the people around me. As a girl and as a person who barely has enough money to pay for a year of college and car insurance, I would be in some danger- worrying about creepers and worrying about being able to survive on what little money and resources I have. If I could though... if I could some other time, I would in a heartbeat.